I guess I still primarily like artsy, really quirky movies, non-plots, and strong fashion sense that is not Hollywood Blockbuster. It’s that strong sense of character that I connect with and a certain mood that I like, more than plot.

Holden and Thompson Nothing (93 returning mix)

I read some thick literary tomes in college, of course, but not as much as those “golden years of reading” in my life. I often would read books based on seeing someone else reading it or the classics i got for 25 cents at our local Tierrasanta library used book sale. Like, I got into Margeurite Duras around 1990 because I saw this cool-looking girl reading it in a French class I took at Mesa College while I was in high school in San Diego. Majoring in philosophy in college, it was all confusing stuff on mind, language, and metaphysics, but no novels, really, except for a class on Hesse and a few poetry classes.

I get inspired by other’s reading lives and other people’s lives in general. Someone recommended the author Chuck Palahniuk, the author of Fight Club; I got “Haunted”. It’s supposed to be a little weird and creepy and focuses on the lives of people literally writing for their lives. Right now, I want to read some contemporary fiction or inspiring poetry.

A goal right now is to read more. I will do this. More ethereal goals: stay hopeful and positive, stay ambitious but not stressed, work on “voice”, work on writing more to stay happy and expressive, stay balanced, have more confidence, and work on inner peace!

My own academic research focuses on the dailiness and stories people’s literate lives and the literate lives of their children.

Feel free to post on what you’re reading!

*I used to listen to this non-stop right before I left Austin (2008) and moved to Arlington

1. I’m a twin. It’s always hard to find someone who “knows” you exactly like your twin does, e.g., shared memories and experiences, insights and mutual understandings, and that “wondertwin” connection over time and space.

2. Although I studied philosophy and consider myself to be hyper-rational and logical, I can also obsess over the dumbest things (“Why won’t he call/text/email?”) like I’m in middle school….

3. I am proud of my educational accomplishments. Higher ed is what you make of it, and I think I’ve gotten a lot out of my studies. I really want to apply my knowledge to the “real world”.

 4. I want to eat healthier.

5. I don’t know where my life is heading, but it feels bright and hopeful.

 6. I was a very spunky little girl, and a feisty, somewhat defiant, vocal adolescent, a bit on the pouty side, but always thinking and saying what I thought, no matter what.  

 7. I’m tougher than I seem, but I make mistakes and let myself be too vulnerable.

8. I want to meet some more friends, or rekindle old friendships with people who love language, appreciate words, and spend time writing. That’s a definite goal.

 9. I think the following men are extremely beautiful: Gary Numan in the 80′s, Peter Murphy in 80′s, Richard Gere in American Gigolo, Jared Leto, Paul Walker, Armin van Buuren, Balthazaar Getty….

 10. Self-talk–I engage in it quite a bit. I give myself high marks on being metacognitive.

11. I like simple things like spacious laundromats.

The Arlington Wash and Dry was a pretty cool place when it was open. What I appreciated most were the ultra large floor-to-ceiling windows that let in ample sunlight and warmth.  I even loved all the noise and even the smells. There was a little four year old girl helping fold clothes with her parents and it was so peaceful.

I memorized all the Spanish signs and read a research book while sitting in an old linoleum chair.

 Yeah, I don’t get out much, but you have to find moments of sanctuary when you can.

 12. Names and nicknames include: Peggy, Peg, Tink, Dr. Peggy (school cafeteria), Dr. Semingson (work), among others.

13. My favorite color is purple.

14. I miss my boyfriend a lot. He lives in Denton. This is outside Rubber Gloves Rehearsal Studio, a really cool club in town I like to go to when they play new wave/no wave, etc.

15. I LOVE trance music. I first heard the Chemical Brothers in 1997 and have been listening to electronic music ever since.

 Solarscape – Alive (Ronski Speed with Stoneface & Terminal Vocal Mix)

I possess the culture of three varied states: Alaska (mainly), California (Southern, coastal), and Texas (my roots, where I’ve planted myself now).

It’s an interesting mix of place: wide open spaces, the pioneer spirit, concrete jungles, down-to-earth-ness, shallow materialism and go-get-it-ness, and some of everything and  a bit-of-me all thrown in together, plus elements of fate, hope, and curiosity at what life will bring me next.

My sister, Amy-left. Me, right. I’m holding iced-tea–so very Texas, while we are in our front yard in North Pole, AK around 1976.

Trance Song for the day:

For me, it’s several things:

• beautiful moments and aesthetics: art, music, fashion, nature
• reaching goals that are just out of my reach….I like a challenge
• inspiring words
• I’m sensitive to body language…I know when someone is faking affinity..or really is genuine. I appreciate the genunine.
• very open spaces: lofts, warehouses, deserts, dreams….

One of my biggest goals, which is out-of-reach at the moment, is to have a spacious condo. I want sunlight streaming in and open space to listen to loud electronic music. It’s all so simple. I have a loft-style condo in Austin but it’s just rental property now and a “business”. I will one day have a similar home here.

DREAMS–their surrealness defies explanation, but dreams are often highly symbolic and a vision to what we are really thinking. I like writing down my dreams because they help me remember beautiful moments that would otherwise be lost.

DREAM #1: Psychedelic Mary Janes

I was in Santa Barbara, alone, shopping along State Street. I went into what was a used bookstore, but it had been transformed into a minimalist store selling pop culture items, most of which were glitzy and glamorous looking, very Vegas and all. I said , “This used to be a bookstore.” On the way out, somehow I had found a pair of patent leather Mary Jane shoes.  Then, I began this long journey home and I made it home and I lived in this sad little house where my bed was a mattress on the floor and the carpet was coming apart, but, I had those shoes. Must have been from watching The Wizard of Oz last weekend, or something!  The shoes looked a little like this:

latest favorite trance song:

I especially appreciate books I can discuss with others or books that were given to me as a gift with the intention of future discussion. There is something meaningful about coming out of one’s metaphorical cave  to participate in intelligent conversation about life beyond oneself and to appreciate other’s insight, analysis, and perceptions. I keep thinking about the fact that Joseph Campbell spent five years in seclusion doing nothing but reading. What would I be like if I did such a thing? Who or what would I read and how would it transform me?

 Most Sundays are “catch-up days”. I spend the day, as many do, catching up and looking ahead–and listening to trance music. Sundays are a time for laundry and reflection. They are quiet–in the words of Morrissey  “silent and gray”. They sure are silent….The weekends are supposed to be a time to allow peace into our life. For some, we just work even harder! I usually do laundry, clean, and prep for the week. I play a lot of trance/techno music to inspire me. My favorite sub-genre of trance is Anthem Trance or Uplifting Trance. A lot of people haven’t heard of trance unless they were/are into the rave scene (which I never was) or live in NYC, Miami, or Europe, or Goa, India, generally speaking. I just like the music and have been listening to Tiesto all day. I dream of having a large space of my own to play my music loud. That’s what I did in Austin. I saw my neighbor out in the drive-way one rare day and I asked him if he could hear my stereo through the wall and he’s like, “Uh…kind of.”

Above and Beyond (OceanLab): Satellite

Surrounding Oneself with Books

One time, when we were 19, my twin sister, who is at the moment 36 years old and the mother of a two-year-old, made this joke that her favorite hobbies were eating and sleeping. “I’m a lazy glutton,” she gleefully remarked, adding, “If i had it my way, I would walk around with a refrigerator and a bed tied to my back, so I could eat and sleep whenever I wanted to.” I can totally relate! I want to sleep!  I am bad sometimes and stay awake late into the night and surf the net and troll Facebook, etc. I also spend a great deal of time reading books, planning for tomorrow and the week, my life, etc. I make endless to-do lists and actually accomplish most of the items on them. I drink coffee steadily throughout the day as a reward for getting things done.  When I go to bed at night, I actually go to sleep dreaming of the next cup of coffee I will have in the morning as I begin the ambitious set of tasks and goals I have for myself.
I want fortitude and industry, but I do sometimes find myself in the land of sloth! During vacations I try to do, as one of my cousins (a schoolteacher and librarian) said, “Serious loafing”.
I love to sleep, but I’m also a hard worker. Hard work is a good thing. So is relaxation. How can one person be such a contradiction?
Maybe it has to do with the pressure of the American Work Ethic. It also has to do with the nature of our personalities. I’ve always been the type of person, where once I’ve completed one challenge, I’m looking for another one to take on.

Things I like to do to loaf include the following “guilty pleasures”:

1. Watching endless YouTube videos from the 80′s. When I was procrastinating on my dissertation, I turned this searching-for-new-wave music videos into an art form. At one point, I even hooked up my own personal LCD projector and displayed them all gigantic on a large wall in my condo and plugged the music through the BOSE surround sound. It was like a party of 1 and I was the DJ!

2. Lifetime Movie Marathons. I think I’ve seen all these movies about five times each.

3. Facebook! Endlessly distracting….

Hard work

I also do work hard. I work best in bursts, but I also work at all hours, as well. I am doing a lot of writing these days–writing research manuscripts to submit to academic research journals, writing grants, writing email communications, writing personal things, etc. etc. What I like about writing is when I get started and I get “on a roll”. Like I said, one thing I rely on to work, is the whole idea of MOMENTUM. Sometimes, the hardest part is getting started. I am also inspired by the “giants” in our field of literacy. When I was at Harvard doing the Chall grant research, I was inspired by the collection and writings of Jeanne Chall. That got me motivated. I also get motivated when I can break down a task into do-able steps. The grant writing has “paid off”–literally. The manuscript writing needs to be ramped up a lot more. Those are my goals and dreams!

My goal is to have a healthy mix of hard work and relaxation. I think having a structured schedule helps.

BUT, life is not just a series of tasks to be done, although  it is that, too! 

Life is about getting all you can out of it. Like Marcus Aurelius said, “Live each day as if it were your last.” Sometimes the road gets bumpy-nobody and nothing is ideal. Sometimes we are alone–or seemingly alone, but we aren’t ever. There are always others who are thinking of us and who care. Things don’t always go the way we want. That’s why we have hope and faith in the present and the future. The present is all we have. A great book I read a while back is “Gray is the Color of Hope” by Irina Ratushinskaya. She is a poet who was forced into political exile in Siberia. She maintains hope despite her harsh and bitter and absurd circumstances. She doesn’t hate, she sees the good in people. As impersonal and alienating as the world was, she wrote poetry in bars of soap. She never gives in to feeling sorry for herself.

I’ve always loved to think about life–why are we here, what is essentially important about life and what truths are out there, and what is the universe all about. Even studying philosophy for five+ years as an undergraduate didn’t give me any instant answers. What was helpful about philosophy was ethics, or, thinking about how should one live one’s life day-to-day. I think the answer to that is we are here to help each other and care for each other.  I’m still thinking on this one.

Life is a marathon–it requires stamina and one is often on one’s own, with friends who offer cups of water along the way (if you are so lucky!), so to speak.  My life right now has been turning outward to help others: students, children, parents, other people.

Oh yeah, life is also about having fun and finding oneself!

Sometimes writing just starts with an image, a feeling, a mood, an atmosphere. With the departure of the “Arctic Blast” cold and the return of sunshine, I welcome the hope of Spring back into life. I’ve permanently opened the blinds in my third floor apartment in Arlington. As my toes thaw out, I’ve been a bit nostalgic for what has been my only home in my “adult” years.

My twin and I were born in Austin, Texas in 1973 at St. David’s Hospital. It’s pressed right up against I-35 and I drove by it for the nine years I lived in Austin when I returned from 2000-2008. When I first got there again, aged 27, I was amazed and happy to see it everytime I drove by. It reminded me, that despite my years of living like a nomad, it was nice think that I finally had roots. Living in Austin for eight years was the longest time I’ve ever lived in one city as an adult.

I had lived in Santa Barbara for six years from college and my first two years of teaching, but due to the high cost of living, I always had to rent a room there, even sharing a teeny shoebox studio with my sister at one point. One day, I faxed a job application to Georgetown, TX to be a bilingual teacher, and 7 am the next day I got a phone call with a job offer which I accepted. I was living in Fallbrook, CA, a small rural community pressed up to the back gate of the Marine base, Camp Pendleton. I taught summer school and packed my Thunderbird with everything I owned.  The day I turned in my key to the classroom where I taught summer school, my mom and I drove out and headed east and made it to Yuma in 110 degree-weather that night. We kept driving, eating drive-through burgers in the car, through storms and finally made it to Austin, where I arrived to the room I was renting. One day, I told myself, I’ll have my own home! Three years later, newly married, I was looking online and found a realtor who I thought could help me find a really cheap fixer-upper. Months later, we were living in a condo in North Austin. It was the first place we looked out.

I know common wisdom is to spend a lot of time to ”Look around”, but I just knew this was for me the second I saw the model home. I think back now to what it was that made me love this place so much. It was a new beginning, a new home, a place that could be my sanctuary, and a large open design where I could “just be”. The thing I loved the most were the wide spacious windows that let in lots of daylight. The wrap around porch brought me closer to nature. I post photos here below and some of my memories and what I miss. I still own my condo and hope to get another one like it someday. That is one of my dreams!

I loved the nature that surrounded it. Rabbits, squirrels, and birds surrounded it. It was almost a little bit “country”-ish even thought it was pure suburbia, and strangely, surrounded by industrial parks and businesses.

Furniture

I love furniture I can just sink into. Those are actually papers from grad school on the couch. I spent many hours sitting in that black chair reading articles and books for graduate school at UT Austin! I loved feeling the sunlight coming in as I underlined and highlighted like crazy! I also completed my dissertation on the large orange table. That’s my little Mac laptop that I couldn’t have done without.

Max

Max was part of the house, too! He greeted me when I returned home.